Archive for the sex Category

11 Things Mom or School Should Have Taught Me About Sex

Posted in African American Interests, marriage, personal, relationships, sex on June 27, 2012 by beneaththeunderdog

Sex.  The mere mention of the word in some circles can cause reactions measuring from sheer embarrassment to utter anger.  Sex education brings on a similar myriad of emotions.  Sex education, though, is becoming a more integral part of adolescence with the  number of sexually active teens rising every year.  Leaving your kids to learn from their big brothers or porn can lead to the passing on of myths and worse, misinformation.  For me, there were many things that didn’t become clear to me until  I was well into my twenties. 

1.  Masturbation is awesome!

Think of the problems that could be avoided if teens were simply told it was alright to have a self-love party whenever they felt like it?  No, it will not make your eyes cross.  No, it will not make you stutter.  No, God will not send you to hell for it.  It amazes me the number of women that I’ve been with(trust me it’s not that big of a number) who know less about their own anatomy than I do.  It’s equally amazing the number of moms who do not know how to explain to their sons proper hygiene of their, the sons, parts.  We have a generation of ignorant adults who are charged with teaching their children the right and wrong things to do with their bodies.  Think of the frustrations and confusion that could have been alleviated if our parents had taught us that it was ok to explore our bodies in safe ways.  We should all be familiar with our bodies and how it works and there is nothing shameful about that.

2.  Manhood is amalgamous.

So often young men think that manhood equals vast amounts of bravado and machismo… and little else.  The truth is that being a man is a complex ballet.  The most important thing is to find your niche… not someone else’s idea or caricature of what manhood is.  The greatest men on this planet were the most unassuming.

3.  Sexuality does not fit into a box.

Sexuality isn’t some flawless computer program that never has glitches.  If you see a man/woman walking down the street and notice how attractive they are, that doesn’t mean you want to do something with them, and that does not mean you are batting for the other team.  You can be as straight as an arrow while admitting another man or woman is attractive.  Being comfortable with yourself is a sign of strength.  Besides being hyper active about being ‘not gay’ is not a good look.

4.  Skin is the largest sexual organ. 

Hug your partner while fully clothed.  Take your shirts off and hug again.  There’s just something qualitatively different about pressing naked flesh together.  Touch has the psychological effect of helping people feel loved, happy, accepted, calm and reassured; all elements that are important in a happy and healthy sexual relationship.  Too often sex is limited to the skin that creates our sex organs.  When is the last time you touched or kissed you partner behind their knee.   Have you ever kissed their elbow.  Behind their ear.  Too often we get hurried into getting to the penetration, when simply slowing down and caressing can heighten and prolong the pleasure.

5. Pee after sex.

You ever wake up after sex and feel needles and pins jabbing your bladder?  You ever piss fire or knives after sex?  Having sex introduces bacteria to normally sterile places.  Peeing flushes those bacteria away, lessening your chances of painful urinary tract infections.

6.  Sex comes with feelings. 

Sex is not without its pitfalls.  Try as most might, it is almost impossible to have sex with someone without having feelings or expectations afterwards.  Know this going in.  Understand too your level of feelings that may result may not be equal to those of your partner.  So be prepared for rejection.  The best solution to this problem is to be sure you both have mutual feelings and goals prior to having sex. 

7.  Toys are ok–required.

Sex toys are not evil…or trashy… or abnormal.  Sex toys cover a broad spectrum of items that are designed to enhance physical pleasure.  If it feels good, use it.  If in a relationship never substitute a toys for your partner.  Always remember to focus on giving and not taking, and the use of toys will never be a problem in a relationship.  The idea is to achieve sexual and emotional intimacy.  If a toy does that for you, GO FOR IT!

8.  Talking during sex is ok.

Telling your partner what excites you is ok.  If you do not communicate the  chances of you having awful, boring, or uninspired sex is increases exponentially.  Never be ashamed to be honest about what pleases you…no matter how weird you think it may be.  You’ll never get what you want and you’ll spend more time complaining to your friends about how weak your sex life is.

9.  70-80% of women cannot orgasm through sexual intercourse alone.

This is a simple fact that is missed by both sexes.  Women are often moved to feel inadequate and fake it.  Men often feel like failures who can’t please their woman.  There are other ways to help women reach orgasm.  She is/you are not defective.

10.  Orgasm is not the end of sex.

Orgasm is not the  ‘end’ of sex but its resolution.  Obsessive concentration on reaching climax obscures whatever else there is to be enjoyed sexually.  The ultimate goal should be pleasure and intimacy.  Orgasm is not a must every time.

11.  Real people have hair.

Porn and pop culture leads us to believe that in order to be proper and sexy one must be hairless from the eyebrows down.  This is not true.  Most people have hair ‘down there’ and it does not mean they’re lacking in hygiene, discretion, or love.  It just means they are happy with their natural, normal state.