Archive for the African American Interests Category

11 Things Mom or School Should Have Taught Me About Sex

Posted in African American Interests, marriage, personal, relationships, sex on June 27, 2012 by beneaththeunderdog

Sex.  The mere mention of the word in some circles can cause reactions measuring from sheer embarrassment to utter anger.  Sex education brings on a similar myriad of emotions.  Sex education, though, is becoming a more integral part of adolescence with the  number of sexually active teens rising every year.  Leaving your kids to learn from their big brothers or porn can lead to the passing on of myths and worse, misinformation.  For me, there were many things that didn’t become clear to me until  I was well into my twenties. 

1.  Masturbation is awesome!

Think of the problems that could be avoided if teens were simply told it was alright to have a self-love party whenever they felt like it?  No, it will not make your eyes cross.  No, it will not make you stutter.  No, God will not send you to hell for it.  It amazes me the number of women that I’ve been with(trust me it’s not that big of a number) who know less about their own anatomy than I do.  It’s equally amazing the number of moms who do not know how to explain to their sons proper hygiene of their, the sons, parts.  We have a generation of ignorant adults who are charged with teaching their children the right and wrong things to do with their bodies.  Think of the frustrations and confusion that could have been alleviated if our parents had taught us that it was ok to explore our bodies in safe ways.  We should all be familiar with our bodies and how it works and there is nothing shameful about that.

2.  Manhood is amalgamous.

So often young men think that manhood equals vast amounts of bravado and machismo… and little else.  The truth is that being a man is a complex ballet.  The most important thing is to find your niche… not someone else’s idea or caricature of what manhood is.  The greatest men on this planet were the most unassuming.

3.  Sexuality does not fit into a box.

Sexuality isn’t some flawless computer program that never has glitches.  If you see a man/woman walking down the street and notice how attractive they are, that doesn’t mean you want to do something with them, and that does not mean you are batting for the other team.  You can be as straight as an arrow while admitting another man or woman is attractive.  Being comfortable with yourself is a sign of strength.  Besides being hyper active about being ‘not gay’ is not a good look.

4.  Skin is the largest sexual organ. 

Hug your partner while fully clothed.  Take your shirts off and hug again.  There’s just something qualitatively different about pressing naked flesh together.  Touch has the psychological effect of helping people feel loved, happy, accepted, calm and reassured; all elements that are important in a happy and healthy sexual relationship.  Too often sex is limited to the skin that creates our sex organs.  When is the last time you touched or kissed you partner behind their knee.   Have you ever kissed their elbow.  Behind their ear.  Too often we get hurried into getting to the penetration, when simply slowing down and caressing can heighten and prolong the pleasure.

5. Pee after sex.

You ever wake up after sex and feel needles and pins jabbing your bladder?  You ever piss fire or knives after sex?  Having sex introduces bacteria to normally sterile places.  Peeing flushes those bacteria away, lessening your chances of painful urinary tract infections.

6.  Sex comes with feelings. 

Sex is not without its pitfalls.  Try as most might, it is almost impossible to have sex with someone without having feelings or expectations afterwards.  Know this going in.  Understand too your level of feelings that may result may not be equal to those of your partner.  So be prepared for rejection.  The best solution to this problem is to be sure you both have mutual feelings and goals prior to having sex. 

7.  Toys are ok–required.

Sex toys are not evil…or trashy… or abnormal.  Sex toys cover a broad spectrum of items that are designed to enhance physical pleasure.  If it feels good, use it.  If in a relationship never substitute a toys for your partner.  Always remember to focus on giving and not taking, and the use of toys will never be a problem in a relationship.  The idea is to achieve sexual and emotional intimacy.  If a toy does that for you, GO FOR IT!

8.  Talking during sex is ok.

Telling your partner what excites you is ok.  If you do not communicate the  chances of you having awful, boring, or uninspired sex is increases exponentially.  Never be ashamed to be honest about what pleases you…no matter how weird you think it may be.  You’ll never get what you want and you’ll spend more time complaining to your friends about how weak your sex life is.

9.  70-80% of women cannot orgasm through sexual intercourse alone.

This is a simple fact that is missed by both sexes.  Women are often moved to feel inadequate and fake it.  Men often feel like failures who can’t please their woman.  There are other ways to help women reach orgasm.  She is/you are not defective.

10.  Orgasm is not the end of sex.

Orgasm is not the  ‘end’ of sex but its resolution.  Obsessive concentration on reaching climax obscures whatever else there is to be enjoyed sexually.  The ultimate goal should be pleasure and intimacy.  Orgasm is not a must every time.

11.  Real people have hair.

Porn and pop culture leads us to believe that in order to be proper and sexy one must be hairless from the eyebrows down.  This is not true.  Most people have hair ‘down there’ and it does not mean they’re lacking in hygiene, discretion, or love.  It just means they are happy with their natural, normal state.

Suspicious

Posted in African American Interests, brutality, civil rights, personal, police on March 20, 2012 by beneaththeunderdog

Suspicious.  It is a state of mind and being that I have endured since birth.  Trayvon Martin should have known better, because he too has been Suspicious since before he was conscious of such a word.  Suspicious is as American as ‘terrorist fist bump’, ‘keep the border to Mexico closed’, apple pie, ‘blah people’… it is entrenched in the lexicon of this country.

For all of you who are upset that Trayvon is dead, I apologize on his behalf.  It is not as if he was born with every advantage of say.. a non-suspicious person.  If he had chances are he would have never been seen as suspicious for merely walking down a street.  Or walking near a non-suspicious woman with a purse.  Or reaching for his wallet.  Or being a cop making an arrest while having his gun out of his holster.  Maybe the taxi company or pizza company would have come to his neighborhood without hesitation.

He should have known better.

Suspicious people everywhere are not surprised by Trayvon’s case.  Even hearing him beg for help does not really stir the soul.  Afterall, Suspicious people have been running from Non-Suspicous people with guns since America, the land for all people who have been bestowed inalienable rights, was founded.  The sad part…the scary part is before the year is out Trayvon will be a memory because a few more Suspicious people will have been disposed of in similar ways for even more Suspicious reasons.

It is funny.  Just a couple of weeks ago Non-Suspicious people were up-in-arms over the brutality of Joseph Kony.  They wanted heads.  Before that it was bin Laden.  Ahmadinejad.  Qadhafi.  Hussein.  All men of Suspicion.  All dead or being hunted.

Ask yourself,  who killed Trayvon?  Who beat Rodney King?  Who shot Eleanor Bumpurs?  Who killed Amadou Diallo?  Who killed Emmit Till?  Why are these vigilantes.. these thugs who live right here at home and in our neighborhoods not afforded the same lights, stature, media attention and venom as our Suspicious brothers from Africa?  Why are they not infamous?  Are domestic terrorists not a more direct obstacle to the everyday way American life?

This post is dedicated to Trayvon Martin, Amadou Diallo, Sean Bell, Oscar Grant,Ousmane Zongo and all others who have been or will be victimized simply for being Suspicious in America.

Fear Is The Greatest Enemy Of Feminism

Posted in African American Interests, feminism, relationships, Uncategorized on March 18, 2012 by beneaththeunderdog

“So de white man throw down de load and tell de nigger man tuh pick it up. He pick it up because he have to, but he don’t tote it. He hand it to his womenfolks. De nigger woman is de mule uh de world so fur as Ah can see.”    Zora Neale Hurston  “Their Eyes Were Watching God”

As a black man, my relationship with feminism is an odd one.

Let me qualify that.  It frustrates me that whenever I try to understand a subject or to explain it I do so through the lens of being a black man. In other words, I find it difficult to vet myself as a human without attaching my color.  In this instance my experiences are seen through a certain lens and perspective.

That perspective and lens is the examination of the relationship between right and wrong, rich and poor etc.  My quest is to just be… to just exist in a system and a world that wants me to emote under the veil of color blindness, while the rules never allow me to forget that I am Black.  So in an attempt to embrace alienation while simultaneously trying to eliminate it, from now on when I say ‘as a man’  I’m including all factors.  Most important for me, being Black.

This brings me back to my relationship with feminism.  I grew up with all types of men who never cared to  amalgamate how their words and deeds equalled to repression.  They were men, and their fathers taught them the lessons that had been passed down.  Most knew they were wrong  in action and deed, but they all seemed to pre-occupied or lacked the personal courage to be the impetus for change.

Luckily, through world travel and being a Marine, I have learned to strike down the stereotypes and unproven fears that serve to stymie the progress of women.  Women are just as much our equal.  Even though they make less money than we do and have to work twice as hard as men to prove their mettle.

My brothers, friends and family members, continue to rebuff my renaissance ideas about women and their, women’s, relegated place in society.  I can not blame them.  I used to be one of them.  The idea is as old as time.

There is, I think, a deeper reason for men who shun feminism as some hyper-liberal form of women wanting to be men.  I think it is rooted in the survival instinct of all of those who have the latter chromosome.  It is this:  if women have every right, advantage and privilege that men enjoy, what trump card will we hold when all factors are made equal?  It is this need for dichotomies, no matter how false or sopho-moronic, that helps them control the arguments which usually disintegrates into marathon bitching and moaning sessions.

It is a shame.  Too many people fail to realize that if all people were treated as equal then the quality of life on this planet would increase.  Not kings.  Not bitches.  Not dummies.  Just human beings.  Simply being born without a penis should hold no  disadvantages for women save for the ability to stand up and pee.

Women, not just black women, are the mules of the world.  They carry our  expectations, shortcomings, requirements, ridicule, and failures on their back. Most women never complain.  The too have been brainwashed by the old guard of men who have done the work to poison the sown seeds of prosperity  it is high time that someone spoke up for these unsung heroes.

What Exactly is Wife Material?

Posted in African American Interests, mariage, relationships, Uncategorized on March 17, 2012 by beneaththeunderdog

Stop me if you’ve heard this before.  Man meets woman.  They fall in love.  They move in together.  They pick drapes and plates.  They get engaged.  She’s thrilled and he’s just ok.  They are still engaged.  Still engaged.  Still engaged.  Still engaged.  Man calls off engagement and leaves woman and all she has left is ugly drapes and brittle plates.  Man finds new girlfriend, impregnate her and marries her right away.

This scenario plays itself out all the time.  To the great pain and mental detriment of women the world over, men seem to be leaving seemingly happy and ‘perfect’ existences in favor of other pastures.  Often time the women that the men were with initially are decidedly more attractive.  So what gives?  What makes a woman more desirable than another?  Are men actually shallow creatures?  What exactly is wife material?

A few answers can be found by looking at the studies of scientists and sociologists.  In a British study 3,500 men were asked about their fiancée only 20% used words such as ‘sexy’ or ‘gorgeous’.  The others focussed on their girlfriend’s personalities.  This suggests, that by and large, that a woman who is naturally beautiful is at a distinct and quite measurable disadvantage when it comes to marriageability.  Men seemingly prefer substance over status when it comes to marriage and the women they prefer to have children with.

 

Further evidence can be seen through studies about choosing a mate.  Women seem to base their decisions on a mate on a loss vs reward threshold.  Women, according to the study, choose a man based on his looks, next to her looks and the chances that she can lose him to another woman.  So a man must fit between a tolerable high/low scale to even have a chance.  A man, on the other hand, has a broader range.  He is more likely to date or mate with less desirable and less attractive women.  It is proven that during dating cycles men care more about a woman’s face, but her body type is more important when it comes to marriage.  So all of you women who are searching for a husband better throw away that M.A.C. makeup and pick up a taebo class or two.

Polling the men who work with me I found five universal traits that men are looking for:

  • Can You Burn?  Yes this is 2012 before you say anything.  Men do still expect a woman to perform traditional duties such as cook.  Most men have ben pampered by the women in their lives so a woman who can’t or won’t cook is at a distinct disadvantage when encountering a man like this.
  • Do You Like Family?  Men do not want to bring women into their lives who are going to cause friction with his own family. Equally troubling are women with daddy/mommy issues who are estranged from or engaged in battle with her own family.  Men want a seamless transition whenever it is time to blend the groups.  Also, men want their own family; a drama free, and happy family.
  • Are You a Go Getter?  Do yo want things out of life or are you happy with the level you are at now?  If you have no goals, then how can you dream with your man?   Real men do not want to be babysitters or dads to their girlfriends.
  • Do You Upgrade Me?  Being equally yoked is important.  Being equally invested in the overall happiness, direction, and health of the relationship is important.  You love him and he will love you back.
  • Will You Age Like Wine or Vinegar?  Do you have that ‘everything’ for all time’ quality?  Is this love or lust?  Can I see us rocking on the porch drinking ice tea when we are old?  Are you graceful?  This part you can not fake.  It will be obvious to both of you.

There are no sure-fire ways to get and keep a man.  Ultimately if he is going to stay he is going to stay.  Knowing the secrets will give you an advantage over your competition.  Men are seemingly simple creatures, but inside stirs a lot of emotion.  It is up to you to make him want you.  Afterall, we don’t know better.

My Struggle With Feminism and The Sexist in Me

Posted in African American Interests, feminism, personal, Uncategorized on October 14, 2011 by beneaththeunderdog

“What the hell is a black male feminist?’ I’m a new convert to the feminist credo.  Being a new recruit in a growing movement I welcome the opportunity to be identified as a “feminist” because it celebrates those of us who are serious about promoting changes in attitudes and policy that allows and cultivates the environments that breed sexist and misogynistic attitudes.  We have to work together to discard the accepted norms within the black community and strive for more unity and diversity.

The work of building a whole community of progressive black men is being done.  Young men who are advanced in politics, business, education, real state, and finance are needed more than ever in the African-American community.  If men, black men, were to unite and form a protective cocoon around our young black males, there might be a noticeable improvement in a relatively short amount of time.  That sounds good for the community: a few men… a few boys… kumbaya.. and then we’re all better.  Sadly, we will not be better.  We won’t be in the same vicinity as ‘better’ if we continue to ignore the festering problem of sexism.  Our women are screaming.  Through their tears, with their heads held high, they are screaming.  Sadly, it seems, their screams are falling on deaf ears.

The United States of Male Privilege

America is what it is.  Mostly it is a land built to maximize an environment of male privilege.  It’s no secret that men rule this nation.  While doing research for this essay I came across this lengthy checklist that illustrates the historical, and somewhat stereotypical/implied advantages that men have enjoyed for as long as America has been and ideal.

The Male Privilege Checklist

1. My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.

2. I can be confident that my co-workers won’t think I got my job because of my sex – even though that might be true.

3. If I am never promoted, it’s not because of my sex.

4. If I fail in my job or career, I can feel sure this won’t be seen as a black mark against my entire sex’s capabilities.

5. I am far less likely to face sexual harassment at work than my female co-workers are.

6. If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.

7. If I’m a teen or adult, and if I can stay out of prison, my odds of being raped are relatively low.

8. On average, I am taught to fear walking alone after dark in average public spaces much less than my female counterparts are.

9. If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be called into question.

10. If I have children but do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be called into question.

11. If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent.

12. If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.

13. If I seek political office, my relationship with my children, or who I hire to take care of them, will probably not be scrutinized by the press.

14. My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious and powerful the elected position, the more this is true.

15. When I ask to see “the person in charge,” odds are I will face a person of my own sex. The higher-up in the organization the person is, the surer I can be.

16. As a child, chances are I was encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters.

17. As a child, I could choose from an infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.

18. As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often.

19. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones.

20. I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented.

21. If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.

22. If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.

23. I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.

24. Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.”

25. I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability.

26. My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring.

27. The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time.

28. If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car.

29. If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.

30. I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.

31. I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)

32. I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.

33. My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.

34. I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.

35. The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.

36. Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.

37. Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.

38. If I have a wife or live-in girlfriend, chances are we’ll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labor, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks.

39. If I have children with my girlfriend or wife, I can expect her to do most of the basic childcare such as changing diapers and feeding.

40. If I have children with my wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.

41. Assuming I am heterosexual, magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with images of scantily clad women intended to appeal to me sexually.  Such images of men exist, but are rarer.

42. In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. If I am fat, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than fat women do.

43. If I am heterosexual, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover.

44. Complete strangers generally do not walk up to me on the street and tell me to “smile.”

45. Sexual harassment on the street virtually never happens to me. I do not need to plot my movements through public space in order to avoid being sexually harassed, or to mitigate sexual harassment.

45. On average, I am not interrupted by women as often as women are interrupted by men.

46. I have the privilege of being unaware of my male privilege.

My Own Personal War

I’m not going to lie, until recently, I enjoyed the complete anonymity of the assumed power of  being a man.  That is, privilege and power are invisible but it’s plain to see in everything that surrounds us.    It is also plain to see the impact that my given rights have on the females that surround me.  Whether it’s in the news (Topeka voting to stop prosecuting domestic violence cases), in the music (Dr. Dre attempting to  throw Dee Barnes down a flight of stairs or Chris Brown beating Rihanna), or in the news (the recent case of the Norfolk police captain who killed his wife and himself), women are more vulnerable than ever.

As a man… no … as a human being, it is my duty to give these advantages up in the name of sincere fairness so that the women, who already give up so much, might have a chance to have at least a little more.  The idea, male feminism, in itself is strangely heroic but is not without its pitfalls.  There are going to be some of  who question my masculinity, sexuality, and sanity.  Some are going to read this and think I’m ignorant or under-valuing the war that women have been waging in this country from its very beginning.  I’m at the beginning of this journey and I intend to see it through.  We all have mothers and each of us posesses a unique opportunity to replicate ourselves in the lives of others.  I just want to make sure that the influence I have is one that changes things and makes the world a better place to exist… for everyone.

This is part one of a series of posts on Feminism.  Please leave comments/stories of how the movement affects you.

Conveniently Black…Conveniently Outraged

Posted in African American Interests on October 7, 2011 by beneaththeunderdog

Niggerhead.  It is a word that has been injected into this cycle’s election debate.  Apparently, Rick Perry and his family leased a property in  West Texas that unofficially held the infamous moniker.  Unofficially, in the sense the ranch’s name was scrawled across a huge rock in block lettering.  As soon as this story broke in the Washington Post the usual vultures came out to pick their pound of flesh from Perry’s exposed political body.

What struck me as odd was not the responses from people like Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson Jr. who are far too often conveniently black and outraged during the latest cause celebre, it was their utter silence on issues that threaten to effect the African-American community in a more adverse way than a few racists playing Deliverance in the backwoods of Texas.

The Part About The Music:  The Billboard Top 10 for R&B/Hip Hop features songs that pose an immediate and damaging effect on young, impressionable black minds.  Marvin and Chardonnay features  the word ‘nigga’ prominently, calls women ‘bitches’, and Kanye exclaims that his girl is cool because she gives him head while wearing her sunglasses.  Speaking of Kanye, on his highly anticipated collaboration with Jay Z, Watch the Throne, the word nigga is used on every song in aggressive and damaging ways.  There is even a song that features that very word; Niggas in Paris. 

Where’s the outrage from Sharpton and Jackson?  Jesse Jackson Jr. sponsored a resolution condemning Perry’s leasing of the Niggerhead compound during the eighties when he, Perry, was a Democrat to host fundraisers.  Where is the Congressional resolution to condemn these ‘artists’ who put this poison out weekly, pumping it into the brains of our kids; weakening their view of themselves and cheapening the value of young, black women?   Don’t even get me started on the reinvention, and acceptance by women, of the label of being a bitch, or their man’s bitch. 

The Part About AIDS:  At the end of 2007, African-Americans accounted for almost half (46%) of people living with a diagnosis of HIV infection in the 37 states and 5 US dependent areas with long-term, confidential, name-based HIV reporting. In 2006, blacks accounted for nearly half (45%) of new infections in the 50 states and the District of Columbia.  In 2010, 300 new HIV/AIDS cases came up in the St. Louis area.  Almost two-thirds of those cases were among African-Americans.  But among women, African-Americans accounted for 86 percent of new cases. 

So if one looks at the data black women are dying in packs to a very preventable disease with nary a mention on Capitol Hill.  No marches planned by Sharpton or the NAACP.  No speeches from either one of the Jesse Jacksons.

The Part About Access to Education:  A post-slavery century in America, where unequal access to education is prominent, has left African-Americans lagging every other racial group in terms of resume building and vulnerable to discrimination in a world that decreasingly values on-the-job experience.  This is the biggest roadblock to the ascendancy of African-Americans.  If white children in Norfolk were graduating at the rate that black kids are there would be riots in the streets. 

As it stands, there are no protests, and the only ones suffering are the 53% of eligible graduates who fell by the wayside last year.  Yes, 6 out of every ten black seniors failed to graduate from Norfolk’s high schools last year.  Paul Fraim… Paul Riddick… Anthony Burfoot where are the mandates?  Where are the hearings?  Where are the firings and recalls?

The Part About Having Solutions:  A black kid gets shot on a street corner, cue the news cameras and the ‘local black leader.’   A black kid gets shot on a street corner by a white person, cue the national news cameras and the ‘national black leader.’  Either way, the story usually dies within a few days with no guidance or plan for eradicating the problem in the future.  Wealth, as defined by the Institute on Assets and Policy, is ‘what you own minus what you owe, allows people to start a business, buy a home, send children to college, and to ensure an economically secure retirement.  Without wealth, families and communities can not become or remain economically secure.’  Well, African-American wealth is zero, because we don’t own any solutions  to our own problems, we don’t have anyone willing to lay their lives on the line to push our agenda on a national level in a militant way,  and the legacy we’re leaving  our kids does not  give our prosperity a chance to be.  If this continues there will be no wealth.  There will be no communities.

What are the solutions? 

Where are the leaders, and do they seek publicity or progress? 

From left: Deborah Wilson of the Metropolitan Wilmington Urban League, Michelle Taylor of the United Way, Tony Allen of the Wilmington HOPE Commission, educator Maurice Pritchett of Pritchett Associates, and Raye Jones Avery of Christina Cultural Arts Center and Kuumba Academy. Photograph by Jared Castaldi

Why are the most iconic images of protest and uprising in black and white?

taunt

Where is the revolution? 

Black Protestors 1

How many more kids have to die… how many more women have to  contract HIV/AIDS… how many more studies have to come out that show black kids are being diagnosed as mentally retarded before someone sees a need to turn off Marvin and Chardonnay and get to work saving a nation of people?  In my 890 word essay I didn’t offer one solution.  That is something that will have to come from a national debate/symposium akin to Tavis Smiley’s The State of the Black Union(which died due to the corporatization of that movement.).  What do you think the solutions are?  An entire movement is waiting on your suggestions.

White Bitches in Heat

Posted in African American Interests on June 29, 2011 by beneaththeunderdog

Rarely am I suprised by the things that come out of people’s mouths… unless I’m watching a Jackie Chan movie or having dinner with my little sister.  I overheard a conversation in Subway while standing in line to get my Jared on, when some woman in the back of the dining are yelled,  ‘The only ones of them that bother with you niggas are the white bitches in heat.’

Are white women attracted to the myth of a black man’s sexual ability?  Yep.  Are Black men secretly coveting sleeping with white women just for the experience?  Yes… hell yes.  I think the initial attraction for a vast majority of all relationships is sexual attraction and the tension  that develops because of that attraction.  I don’t look at any woman, no matter race, without seeking out thick thighs, wide hips and a round ass.  That’s me.  That’s what gets me going.  I’d venture to say that most people know almost immediately whether they’ll sleep with someone.  How many of those relationships  get beyond that first glance especially when one or both show some disinterest?

The truth is, I’M ATTRACTED TO WHITE WOMEN.  I like them.  They like me.   There’s no denying the sexual frission that exists. Yes, our attraction is based on race, as are the opinions expressed by those who hate me or scoff at me based on some unwritten and unspoken rule that excludes me from the potential relationship pool of eligible, beautiful women seeking an eligible, wildly sexy, intelligent, eclectic, beautiful, funny, smart and driven brotha such as myself.  Let me say, this isn’t a manifesto against Black women.  I love my sistas wholeheartedly.  But, I have a humongous responsibility to tell the truth.  A brotha without the requisite playa kit:  mean stare, slang, SUVw/rims, a gold tooth or two, various indecipherable tattoos, can’t get anywhere with a sista.  The reality that exists is above me and I must play the game.

I like world issues.  I speak correct English(most of the time).  I read.  I volunteer.  I drive a Montero Sport because it’s economical and gets me to work, school and to my football games without a hitch.  I don’t have gold teeth…hell I hate gold.  So, because the rules are what they are sistas look at me as…  a little brother type or someone who can be a friend.  They never ever seem me as a mate or suitor or husband.

Where a sista is quick to refer to us as ‘niggas’ and high five each other while they chant how much they don’t need us, white women are taking us at face value and at least allowing us to appraoch them past a level of material goods.  Where sistas are more likely to judge a man and dismiss him for what he has/doesn’t have and what he’s has/hasn’t done for her, a white woman looks at what I have and tries to figure out, WITH my input, how she can add hers to mine to see how WE can make it multiply.  White women are women and aren’t afraid to allow me to be a man.  White women lift me up and support me and my dreams and goals… even if it doesn’t involve a money making venture.   White women want me before I have my stacks and car and house becuase they understand that life is more about the journey and not the goalline or destination.

Now, I feel, based on my experience, and from the experiences gathered from other well meaning, hard working Black brothers, I think Black women hate Black men.  I mean HATE us.  Why do I say this:

  • Look at who sistas put in front of our young men and women as role models.  Felon ass rappers/singers, local thugs and dealers, pimps and prostitues.  What does this do to the psyche of our Black young men and boys?  They are taught, straight out of the womb, that they are destined to be dishonest, unwanted, not needed, future gang members, and harbingers of AIDS, haters of all that is Black , and lovers and coveters of white women.
  • Black men are often blamed for the ills of Black communities and families.  Look into the homes though.  Women, who by and large are in charge of the Black household,  are usually scantily clad and overly sexual.  Drugs and alcohol persist…openly.  Is there any wonder why a.) Black boys seem to devalue Black women, and B.) Our young women are contracting HIV/AIDS at an astronomical, and are wearing clothes that squeeze all of the sexual flesh to the surface while also simultaneous;y squeezing all of the limitiations of their upbringings out also.
  • Are Black boys really being nurtured by Black women?  For every successful Black man there is seemingly a driving force behind that success that usually started with a statement such as ‘you ain’t gonna be shit just like your daddy.’  Teachers are ignoring the plight of black, male students in droves.   These boys are often shunned at home and in the school house.  Where are they to turn to for value of self?
  • The myth of the ‘down low brotha’ persists because sistas support these ideas wholeheartedly.  Yes, there are brothas out there who are unscruplously duping women into dangerous sexual relationships.  Is this the norm thouh.  Hell no, but whenever a discussion of the percieved weaknesses amonst the Black, male species arises the ‘down low’ myth is given more ammo.  Why is there such a vitriolic tenor to these and similar discussion about Black men amongst the sistas?

I mean I could go on forever, but I’d become more of a part of the problem that I’m describing.  There definitely needs to be a dialogue… detente even amongst brothas and sistas.  There is an ever widening gulf developing and if we’re not careful it’ll be too late to bridge the gap.  Is this a topic that’s been exhausted?  Is there a need for nderstanding?  Leave comments.