Leave SpongeBob Alone!
Well there’s a new outrage in America! What’s new? Apparently some doctor or scientist or psycho-brain, who can’t get any grant money for any legitimate research has now cast an ominous pall over the evil SpongeBob cartoon. Or does it? The AP reported the American Academy of Pediatrics will take aim at the 12-year-old Nickelodeon show, reporting a study that concludes the fast-paced show, and others like it, aren’t good for children. Reading this alone, parents around the nation were quick to throw away the dvds. toothbrushes, costumes, pillow pets, and other Spongebob swag that Americans have spent millions of dollars to attain. Spongebob is the new Hitler. The once beloved sea sponge had no comment once this story was released, and no wonder. No one likes muslims, high fructose corn syrup, gays, or Spongebob-like cartoons around their kids anymore.
Closer examination of the study might yield some different feelings. The study measured how fast kids completed certain tasks in order to recieve a reward. Spongebob, being a faster paced cartoon, seemed to energize the kids more than the group of kids who watched something like Oprah… or Murder She Wrote..or listened to the new John Tesh album. The Spongebob kids seemed to complete their tasks faster and got the reward, usually candy of some sort, before the other group.
Suprise! Spoongebob excites kids!
Now, what if they’d run that same experiment using the Murder She Wrote kids versus kids who say… worked out, or played outside in some vigorous sport. I’d dare say the experiment would have yielded similar results. Can you imagine an article exclaiming, EXERCISE IS DANGEROUS TO YOUR KIDS MINDS AND IS MAKING YOUR KIDS DUMB, BEWARE!!!!
Some people would believe it, and moreover, lots of people who learn how to parent from books, Dr. Phil, and Oprah, would make their kids sit down in zombie like states in order to shovel mass quantities of banal information into their kids in dull, droll tones AKA sending them to public schools where they earn titles like ADD and ADHD, which leads to drugs that turn our creative, energetic, and driven kids into docile and impressionable consumers of ________.
I remember cartoons that were violent like Tom and Jerry(Jerry slapped Tom no less than 30 times in a half hour), and Looney Toons(how many bombs and booby traps were made on that show?) being pumped harmlessly into my house. I came out ok. I think.
We’ve become a nation of scaredy-cats. Now we’re the old people that hate that damned loud rock-n-roll music. Spongebob isn’t going to have your kids drooling at the mouth. The worst side effect may be a few destroyed aquariums and lost cleaning sponges. Chill out parents. It’s ONLY a cartoon.